Columns Columns from 2005
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Not Eudora   By Harry Welty

About this column title. Iím not related to Eudora Welty, the short story writer, and she didnít care a whit about politics so this is definitely not Eudora. 

Sergeant York Published Jan. 05   "When I was in fifth grade my Grandfather made one of his infrequent visits to our house. It was the only time that we watched a movie together."

King for a Day  Published Jan. 20   "Fresh from their victory saving Grant Elementary School the NAACPís Duluth Chapter is lobbying The School Board to honor Martin Luther King. 
They want school to be closed on his birthday or at least on the Monday closest to his birth. Martin would become, so to speak, King for a Day. . ."                

The Shadows of Woody and Wayne  Published Feb. 3, 2005     "Give the Devil his due. George Bush has pulled a rabbit out of Iraq ."

The Column the Trib didn't Publish  Published Feb. 17, 2005   "Weeks before Alberto Gonzalez became Attorney General I sent an essay opposing his confirmation to the Duluth News Tribune. . . The Trib didnít publish it."

Book Report Published March 3, 2005    "All that I had to do was give damned oral book report. Little did I know that it would knock me off whatever trajectory I was on like a nuclear blast 
nudging an asteroid out of an imminent collision with Earth. . ."

KDLH and the News  Published March 17, 2005 "I donít know if Pat Kelly is the most gregarious fellow in Duluth but thatís how he comes across on television. So, it was particularly painful  to watch him anchoring his newly abbreviated show with a rival networkís news staff last week..."

The New Super's Duper Salary Published April 1, 2005  "After a decade of getting by on the cheap and paying its school superintendent one of the lowest salaries imaginable  for a 
ďCity of the First Class,Ē the Duluth School Board finally has to ante up more pay. . ."

Is the Pope Polish?  Published April 14, 2005   "I lost my favorite catch phrase to signal that I mean, "Yes," when Pope John Paul II died. . ."

Declaring War on the New Superintendent Published Apr. 28  "Before he has even set foot in his office our newly hired Duluth School Superintendent, Keith Dixon, has had a salvo 
fired over his head by ex school board member, Eileen Zeitz-Hudelson . . ."         

Church of the Republican God  Published April 12, 2005  "Two hundred years ago North Carolina passed a law forbidding cohabitation between unmarried men and women. . ."

Bedru    "There is a story about Bedru that I would tell if I knew for certain that he was dead."

Lincoln Holiday Published June 10, 2005   "Claudia suggested that we drive down to Springfield , Illinois , on Memorial Day and visit the new Abraham Lincoln Presidential Library and 
Museum. As a big fan of the rail splitter I was delighted by the idea of taking a
Lincoln Holiday . . ."

Liberty Valance and the Neo-con Testament  Published June 23, 2005  "I've been trying to imagine George W Bush and his fellow neo-cons as pimply teenagers back in1962 soaking  up the lessons of John Ford's stirring Horse Opera The Man who Shot Liberty Valance."

Seeing Through My Daughuter's Eyes Published July 6, 2005  "After my daughter Keely was born in the spring I took my visiting mother-in-law Shirley out to a sandwich shop for lunch. 
It was the only time in the eight years I knew her that we got to talk, just the two of us. . ."

Smaller than a Bread Basket Published July 21, 2005  "Although most Minnesotans have never heard of him or the organization he is President of (Americans for Tax Reform) Grover 
Norquist seems to have single-handedly disqualified  Minnesota Governor Tim Pawlenty from consideration as a potential presidential nominee of the Republican Party in 2008. . ."

The Veganization of Delaware Published August 4, 2005    "After a ruling by the US Court of Appeals, Third Circuit, Delaware may soon become the first state in the union to make dining out a meatless experience. . ."

The Summer my Street was Buried   Published August 18, 2005 "As I carried my uncooked lasagna across the south lane of the half buried East Forth Street , I interrupted a game of tennis."

Bob White Goes Postal   Published September 1, 2005   "As I knelt on my patio, under a hot sun, sanding away at the old cabinet whose repair has taken up half my summer, my cat sprang from a lazy curl into an attack crouch.  . ."

My Katrina Rant Published Sept. 15, 2005   "My Mother's big sister, Mary Jane, did not want to be buried in New Orleans . She was a Midwestern girl and moved south under protest. The City's graveyards gave her the willies. . ."

A Lesson in Civility Published Sept 30, 2005    "This summer teachers, administrators and students from the Duluth School District got together to plan lessons in "civility" to be taught daily inall our middle schools. At one of the sessions a teacher began complaining to the other teachers in her group about school board member Bevan Schraw's incivility and the importance of defeating him in the upcoming election. The other teachers nodded their assent. A student sitting in their midst listened to the conversation with incredulity. Her name was Melody Schraw."

Pulling Julio out of a Hat   Published Oct 14, 2001   "I used to kid Julio Almanza that I was responsible for all his gray hair as he gracefully aged from a black to a silver mane in the six years he superintended the Duluth Schools. Julio just flashed his cat-who-swallowed-the-canary smile at me. Itís a look our city councilors will have three months to get used to."

Catch as Ketchikan  Published October 28, 2005   "Little could I have imagined thirty-five years ago as we debarked from our ship into the hamlet of Ketchikan , Alaska , that it would someday become an obscene symbol for America 's fiscal enslavement of my children. . .

Five Anecdotes about Sex  Published Nov 10, 2005  "One day I told my seventh grade Geography class how I hadn't wanted to be one of those parents whose children grew up embarrassed and confused about sex. . ."

Help! Murtha! Police!  Published Nov 24, 2005   "New York 's Rialto Theater used to answer the phone calls from people inquiring about the evening's movies with the greeting, 'Help! Murder! Police'"

Oberstar's Laundry  Published Nov. 9, 2005  "It was the Democrat's hapless 1924 Presidential candidate John W. Davis who said, "The first duty of a politician is to get elected." Just how it's done is not so important. . ."

Ghosts of Christmas Past  Published Dec. 22, 2005   "Every December 25th my brother, sister or I would retrieve the poster board containing the lyrics of the Twelve Days of Christmas from high atop my Grandfather Marsh's secretary. . ."

Email to Vic  (not published in the Reader) 2005   "Vic and I have traded email for four years."

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