Columns from 2002
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Not Eudora  
By Harry Welty

About this column title. Iím not related to Eudora Welty, the short story writer, and she didnít care a whit about politics so this is definitely not Eudora. 

Sour Milk  Published Feb. 21, 2002  "Compared to the vast sums of money it takes to elect politicians on the national level the funds raised locally seem laughably small. That is until you try to raise your first thousand dollars...."

Another V Monologue  Published Feb. 28, 2002 "One of the biggest problems we face in politics is the refusal of so many people to face hard and honest truth. Too many of us find comfort in old wives' tales and soft, fuzzy euphemism."...

On Holding Your Nose  Published March 7, 2002 "So, last Tuesday came and went and you didn't attend your precinct caucus? Tsk, tsk, tsk! Reading this column will be your penance for turning your back on grassroots democracy.",,,

"Here were hanged"   Published March 21, 2002  "'Here were hanged 38 Sioux Indians December 26 1862.' "...

Escaping the Minority  Published April 6, 2002 "As a potential legislative candidate I've been watching the game of musical chairs left in the wake of redistricting." ...

Sympathy for a Mass Murderer  Published April 21, 2002 "I am a mass murderer. Now mind you, Iím not talking about just any old, garden variety, mass murder but the worldís most massive holocaust ever."...

Peeing Contest Published May 3, 2002  "Don't sell the great temple of Duluth, the school administration building! ARE YOU PAYING ATTENTION? We really, really, really mean it!"...

Eve of Destruction Published May 17, 2002 "It's a little disconcerting for a mild mannered Republican like me to realize that leading members of my party support the Jewish State in Israel because of their impatience to see the world come to its apocalyptic end."...

The King is Naked Published May 31, 2002  "'The king is naked!' shouted the boy'..."

St. Louis County Election Avoidance Plan Published June 7, 2002  "My favorite County Board member , Joanne Fay, is suing the St. Louis County Board. Go Joanne!"...

Dishing Dearth Published June 14, 2002 "A couple weeks ago, the Readerís editors hyped my column as the place to read political dished dirt." ...

Pitching Penny Published June 29, 2002 "I've only met one of the many candidates hoping to replace Governor Ventura, Tim Penny, who happens to be Jesse's own choice for succession." ...

Hearts Behind Bars Published July 12, 2002  "When my son and daughter were little they learned how to play hearts at Duluthís Federal Prison." ...

Selected Scenes from my Queer Life Published July 19, 2002  
"1960, Age 9 - My neighbor's junior high boyfriend calls another boy a 'queer.' I'm astonished by the target's humiliation. I ask my Mom what "queer" means. She tells me a story." ...

The Strange Case of Darrell McKigney  Published August 9, 2002
"Darrell McKigney emailed my wife at work last week. How, she asked me, did her least favorite Minnesota political commentator get hold of her business email address to warn her that Minnesota had the third worst business climate among the fifty states? How indeed?" ...

Learning to say "No" Published August 23, 2002  
"For six years on the School Board I've been expected to protect every budget line item by some advocate or increase it by yet another. I don't imagine it will be much different if I get myself elected to the state legislature. . . .  Long ago I learned the importance of saying the word "No." The story I am about to tell has very little to do with this lesson.". . .

Madman  Published September 6th, 2002  "Like children begging their mothers to watch them plunge off a diving board for the umpteenth time, some politicians never outgrow their craving for attention. I say this with some humility because I am no shrinking violet where reporters are concerned" ...

Out of the Box Published September 20th, 2002  "One of the indispensable assets for any aspiring politician is the ability to think outside the box. So, when at a recent debate my Primary opponent described himself as thinking outside the box I was reduced to stammering, "Well, I've never been accused of NOT thinking outside the box."...

Tanked Published October 4th, 2002  "Yeah, it was over sold. Yeah, the backers had stars in their eyes. Yeah, the skeptics saw through the pie-in-the-sky attendance projections. Yeah, the backers were local power brokers who could pull strings behind the scenes and bulldoze the skeptics. Yeah, its gonna cost Duluth some serious money to subsidize the Great Lakes Aquarium this year and probably for years to come..."

Boiling a Frog  Published October, 15 2002   "First they closed Birchwood but I did not speak out because my children did not attend Birchwood. Then they closed Grant but I did not speak..."

Never Vote for a Democrat and Other Simple Lessons Published October 31, 2002  "When I was 11 or 12 years old, long before my obsession with politics began, I got some unsolicited advice about voting from my Grandfather.... 'Never vote for a Democrat.'" 

You Wanna Fight? Published November 14, 2002   "I used to have a southern accent. I didnít say ďyaíllĒ or anything like that because I was from Kansas . Still,. . . "

Methuselah Thurmond  Published December 14, 2002   "The US Senate celebrated a milestone when its first member ever, Strom Thurmond, reached his one-hundredth birthday. . ."
God Made Us That Way Published Dec 26, 2002 "When I was about six years old I embarrassed my Mother while we rode home on the Topeka City bus. We sat next to a black woman we did not know, and I piped up "Why are you that color? . . . "

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